Understanding Postpartum Anxiety: A Christian Mom’s Guide to Healing

Written By Kalie Moore

The Reality of Motherhood

How would you describe that feeling, just seconds after giving birth, when someone hands you a naked, squalling baby and time simply stops? And just for a moment, you stare. What is that feeling? Panic? Relief? Searing pain? Awe? Blinding love? 

If I had to guess, I’d say it’s likely most, if not all, of the above. 

newborn baby and postpartum mom

That moment changes us. And yet time does not actually stop, of course. It keeps going, life goes on, and then there is more pain, more crying, more poop, more demands for your attention than ever before (this is true whether it’s your first baby or your ninth). And sometimes, dare I even say often, that panicky feeling creeps back in slowly but surely…

He slept ALL night? Is he still breathing?!

I don’t think that poop looks right. Something must be wrong.

What if someone asks to hold her at church? How will I make sure they’re not sick? 

Is he eating enough? Sleeping enough? Getting enough interaction? Hitting milestones? 

And you might be tempted to think, with some resignation, “This must be what motherhood is like.” And so you fight for joy in the midst of chaos and exhaustion and anxiety. Like the warrior that you are. 

But a few months in and that very thought weighs you down, seeps into your bones as you wonder, “Is this really it? There’s no way I can keep this up.”

Understanding Postpartum Anxiety Symptoms and Postpartum Anxiety Disorders

Far too many women experience postpartum anxiety symptoms like these and then spiral until they reach the tragic conclusion, “I must be a failure.” They don’t recognize the postpartum anxiety disorders affecting them and they can’t pinpoint all the many stressors putting more and more pressure on them when they are at their most vulnerable. It’s easy to fall into one of two camps in this critical period after giving birth: we either over-normalize and convince ourselves that everyone worries and “this too shall pass,” or we minimize the anxiety by throwing ourselves under the bus, assuming something is wrong with us. Neither is helpful.

The “This Too Shall Pass” Response: A Recipe for Postpartum Depression and Anxiety 

It’s a nice thought, a well-intended response to a person muddling her way through a difficult season. But it usually backfires. Why? Because in our attempt to normalize scary feelings and create a sense of solidarity, we can end up dismissing a new mom’s worst fears and inadvertently confirming the hopelessness of her situation. The transition to parenthood is sacred and wonderful for so many reasons, and it’s natural to want our friends to experience this and to summon the strength to keep going. But the reality is that most women will experience distress in the weeks following childbirth, many falling into the category of postpartum depression and anxiety. Up to 85% will struggle postpartum, and 1 in 5 will experience a diagnosable perinatal mood and anxiety disorder (PMAD). What she needs is not a sarcastic, “Welcome to motherhood–we all survived, you will too” statement that leaves her feeling more alone than ever. Rather she needs someone to listen to the scary thoughts, to the grief she feels over lost freedom and a sense of self that seems to be steadily fading away, to the dark fears of not being good enough that threaten to invade at every turn.

Too often women are blindsided by these feelings of overwhelming anxiety because we don’t know what we don’t know. We get excellent prenatal care for 9 months – by the end we’re seeing our doctors every week before baby arrives! Maybe they’ve mentioned the risks of postpartum depression and anxiety, but if we’re being honest the education on postpartum mental health is usually inadequate (*not always–some OBs and midwives are wonderful about preparing their patients!). And then–think about this for a moment–they put a newborn baby in your arms, sew up your downstairs parts, and send you home with little more than an adult diaper and an earnest, “Congratulations! See you in 6 weeks!” Mama, it’s not your fault that you feel overwhelmed. Despair feels like a natural response to people telling you that this is what you signed up for, and you’re on your own now.

The Fake-It-Till-You-Make-It Idea and Its Impact on Postpartum Anxiety Disorders

I’m all about fake-it-till-you-make-it when it comes to building confidence in certain situations, but I can tell you one thing for certain: it has no place in the postpartum period. With the mental health stigma alive and well, and comparison thriving under the pressure of Pinterest and Instagram, the stage is set for postpartum anxiety disorders. 

The pressure to “bounce back” after having a baby isn’t as subtle as we like to think, although it’s often masked by compliments and hidden behind well-intentioned gestures. Consider how these questions and comments may affect a new mom…

“Oh my gosh, you don’t even look like you had a baby!” (Is that the standard??)

“When are you headed back to work?” (What’s the rush??)

“Look at you out and about just a few days after giving birth! Good for you!” (Wouldn’t it be better to encourage rest and healing and self-care in the days after she just delivered a human out of her own body??)

“I was so excited to fit into my jeans after 2 weeks!” (Good for you, but now this poor new mom might expect the same, and it’s rarely the reality. No need to throw more fuel on her comparison dumpster fire.)

When we’re all faking, we’re all alone. When we encourage other moms to just figure it out because that’s what we all did, we’re encouraging comparison and pushing her further into isolation. The better option here is vulnerability. Any mom who’s truly honest with herself knows she doesn’t have all the answers and she almost certainly could have used more support when she was newly postpartum. Hope and healing is not usually found in perfect words or natural instincts–but rather in connection, compassion, and gracious vulnerability.

Coping with Postpartum Anxiety and Finding Grace for New Moms

Beyond the unrealistic cultural expectations and the cruel comparison game, the experience of childbirth is physiologically, and very often psychologically, traumatizing. The hormonal shift alone that takes place in a woman’s body almost immediately after birth is quite incredible and can have profound effects on her mood and emotional stability. The intensity of emotion during the first several days and weeks postpartum can feel like a roller coaster, and there is a physiological reason for this! Estrogen and progesterone drop dramatically following birth, estrogen in particular drops to pre-pregnancy levels within just a few days. In truth, “the postpartum hormone drop is considered the single largest sudden hormone change in the shortest amount of time for any human being, at any point of their life cycle.” Read that again. And it can take up to a year for these hormones to stabilize once again. A lot is happening physically, and this reality demands that we slow down and allow time for our bodies to adjust. 

New moms not only experience physical pain, wounds (be it vaginal or from a c-section) that need healing, and a hormone shift unlike anything else, but they also often experience significant isolation in this time. It’s somewhat ironic, because they are technically rarely alone and often actually crave alone time because there is a tiny human attached to them at all times, but the need for connection and adult friendship and support from loved ones increases, and often goes unmet. Life goes on, husbands go back to work, parents go home, friends go back to their own families. And where does that leave a brand new mama (whether she’s at home with a newborn, or a newborn and 3 other little ones)? It leaves her alone with her scary thoughts, her sleep-deprived brain, her endless to-do list, and her unrealistic standards that remain only because no one is there to tell her they are ridiculous. It leaves her alone with her postpartum anxiety and depression. And this is the tragic truth that must be told: anxiety is the most honest, rational response that a new mother could have when she is left alone with a newborn baby and a traumatized body. 

Hope for Overcoming Postpartum Anxiety: Throwing Out the Stigma

Not enough mamas get the help they need when they need it. Too many feel shame too deeply to speak up. It’s time we stepped up to remind these women warriors, these daughters of Eve, these unique and pivotal image-bearers that their need for support is not a weakness but a simple reality, that they are not alone in their struggles, and that with help they can be well. It’s time we stepped up to nurture the nurturers. 

This starts with education and empathy. It starts with friends responding with, “That sounds overwhelming. Do you want to talk about it or do you want me to just sit with you and fold your laundry?” It begins with friends who do more listening than advice-giving. And it begins with a support system willing to step up to lighten the load, to be present in the suffering knowing that there is always hope even if she can’t see it right now, and to encourage counseling with a therapist trained in perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. If a new mom is struggling, there’s no time to lose–more support is always better than not enough. A trained Christian therapist can help her lean on her faith even in a dark season (spiritually, mentally, physically), introduce practical tools for coping in this particular time period, and provide a safe space to process postpartum anxiety symptoms, grief, and pain. 

Motherhood for the Christian Mom: Reclaiming Our Postpartum Joy

So the anxiety makes sense. This doesn’t mean we just accept it and it doesn’t automatically mean that we must be living in sin. It means that motherhood is not unlike the rest of the world post-fall: inherently good and desperately broken. The design of motherhood is good and its purpose is sacred. And yet when we dive inward, grasping for answers and searching in vain for the strength that must be there somewhere to surmount this impossible challenge, we come up empty handed. And our obvious conclusion? Well, I must be the worst mother on the planet. 

Dear friend, such a conclusion couldn’t be more wrong. We come up empty handed because we are still facing the wrong direction–our answers lie not within but without. “I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.” (Psalm 121:1-2). Joy in motherhood does not mean we normalize postpartum anxiety that is far from normal, and it does not mean that we minimize the struggle. Joy for the Christian mama means finding comfort in our kind Shepherd, hope in the true Healer, rest in our good Father, and strength in the Spirit. Motherhood changes us, drains us, inspires us, humbles us, and points us every day–even every hour– to the One who is the reason for our hope, so that we can say–through tears of utter exhaustion and defeat–, “I need Thee ev’ry hour, most gracious Lord; no tender voice like Thine can peace afford.” 

If you're struggling with postpartum anxiety or other mental health concerns, consider seeking help from a Christian therapist who can support you on your journey toward healing. You can also check out our other related articles below, our all-about-anxiety webpage, or our therapy FAQs for more info on therapy at Dwell Christian Therapy & Training.

Kalie Moore
Previous

Building a Strong Marriage: 5 Ways to Nurture Friendship and Intimacy
Next

Polyvagal Theory in Emotionally Abusive Relationships: Understanding the Impact