4 Lies that Oppose God’s Design for Motherhood
Motherhood was always a part of God’s good design. Why? Because man alone does not represent the image of God fully, but rather man and woman together form a more complete picture of our holy triune God. The first woman was named Eve because she was the “mother of all living” and represented God’s character in her fierce love, nurturing nature, and gentle shepherding (Genesis 3:20). But, as we all know from the Biblical meta narrative, things did not stay good and perfect as they were in the garden of Eden. The Fall affected everything, and there was nothing left in this world that was not tainted by sin. Including the role of a mother.
What God designed to be a wonderful gift and an invaluable part of His ordered creation was suddenly threatened. What was meant to be a source of joy and purpose became laced with drudgery, resentment, and selfishness. The messages we receive as mothers, and have been receiving from the moment sin entered this world, at once strike at our deeply embedded desire to have significance and sink deeply into our tender hearts. We are left reeling, and understandably so. Our fierceness and gentleness were meant to complement each other in God’s perfect design of woman. But sin pits them against each other, leaving us in a never-ending battle in which part of us is always losing - either our sense of confidence and purpose or our vulnerability and innate desire to nurture and protect. We are left feeling like we have to choose and in doing so deny the very image in which we were created!
Fellow mamas, may it not be so. My prayer for womanhood and motherhood is that we would name the poison that threatens to divide us as women, and even further to divide us at our very cores, and that we would reclaim our purpose, our design, our joy. We still live in a broken world, and so while Jesus has already done the hard work of redemption (and so we can have confidence that motherhood has been redeemed and will be perfect again some day!), we will continue to struggle this side of heaven. But may we struggle with His energy, trusting that He will provide for us, that He will guide us in all wisdom as we fight together for the joy of motherhood, and that He will sanctify us through the journey.
To that end, one way that we can combat the lies and schemes of the enemy is to name them aloud and replace them with truth. In doing so, we reclaim the joy that is rightfully ours and has been meant for us from the beginning of time. What follows is a list of common snares that threaten to consume us as women and mothers - may we name them, reject them, and choose instead to cling to Gospel truth as we live out our God-ordained roles.
Empty mantras
These feel-good messages of our modern society are alluring but toxic. As nice as they may sound, they are, at their core, utter nonsense. We often hear, even within Christian circles, “You are enough” and “You can do this” and “Follow your heart.” As subtle as these may seem, a lie is a lie, and these are as ugly as they come because they minimize our depravity and negate our need for Christ. The truth is, you are NOT enough and your heart is not to be trusted (Jeremiah 17:9). Paul is very clear about this and writes, “For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out” (Romans 7:18). We were literally conceived in sin and have no way of getting to our heavenly Father without Jesus (Psalm 51:5; John 6:44). No, we are nowhere close to being “enough.” Charles Spurgeon also wisely wrote, “When you feel yourself to be utterly unworthy, you have hit the truth.” The good news is, when we realize this, we are free to rely on Him completely and in doing so find the rest we so desperately need and the joy we so earnestly desire. And so we must be alert and on guard – otherwise these nonsensical pleasantries will slowly but surely dismantle our joy and leave us feeling even more empty and anxious and insecure.
2. Comparison
When we compare - look at other women’s lives and assume we are significantly lacking in something they have - we allow our thoughts to steal our joy. It is so difficult to view ourselves without comparing because the world (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest), and thus our “competition,” is ever before us. Suddenly our house is not big enough, our wardrobe not fashionable enough, our children not compliant enough, and our marriages not blissful enough. And then we are drowning – in jealousy, in self-pity, in thinly-veiled despair. Like Peter sinking in the waves, we begin to sink when we doubt His goodness and His power. We have eyes to see only what we do not have. May we instead stay the course, fixing our eyes on Him and choosing contentment over comparison.
3. Idolatry
The web of lies that leads us to making motherhood an idol is yet another ugly twist on God’s design for women. I think much of this can be traced all the way back to our beloved ancestor Eve. Her part of the curse entailed a struggle against authority, a tendency toward divisiveness, and deep pain in motherhood. We’ve been wanting to be our own masters and call all the shots from the very beginning. We don’t like “stereotypical” gender roles or labels because it makes us squirm deep down and wonder if we measure up or if we’re somehow missing out. In addition, raising our children is an enormous spiritual and emotional burden from day one, and the journey is wrought with pain and struggle. We get tired. And we begin to feel like it is all just too much. And when the despair starts to set in, we realize that we have somehow managed to convince ourselves (subconsciously of course) that we must be our children’s savior and that we are alone in this task. Our beautiful and God-ordained role as a mama has been tainted and distorted and raised up on a terrible throne. The golden calf of motherhood sucks the soul dry. It becomes the reason for our existence and it replaces all else to become our primary identity. We feel like we are missing the mark, and it is because we are. Because, as with all good things which become idols, if motherhood dethrones Christ as king and claims that title for itself, it will surely destroy us. Being a mom will never be enough. Our children cannot save us. Perhaps if we could acknowledge and confess this openly, we could let go of our vice grip on our children and on our identity as mothers. And perhaps then we could begin to rest in His provision and trust in His plan and find joy in worshipping the only One worthy of our devotion.
4. Things
This boils down to simple materialism and envy. It’s a feeling of discontentedness at someone else’s good fortune. When it takes root in your heart, it’s difficult to control and even more difficult to destroy. At the heart of this, however, is a reliance on things. Things of this world to make us happy. Things that were never meant to satisfy. When we treasure our [insert here what you tend to spend the most money on - furniture? Home projects? Clothes? Gadgets?] and allow them to dictate our feelings and thoughts and choices, we are left feeling empty and exhausted - every time. And yet we hold on with bleeding hands and troubled hearts. May we cling instead to our heavenly Father whose perfect love will cast out our fear and release us from the prison of materialism that threatens to consume us. He waits with open arms – patiently and tenderly – for you to come and exchange your plastic pearls for something truly timeless and precious. My friends, is time we allowed King Jesus to free us from the tyranny of things. It is time to put Him back on the throne.
And indeed when He is on the throne, all is right in our hearts. We can never do this perfectly here on earth, but we must continue pressing on. We must fight for truth in our everyday lives and we must stop second-guessing our seemingly warring desires for the sake of a compromised, society-approved image. It’s not easy, but perhaps that was always part of the plan. Motherhood is confounding and exhausting. It is quite literally an other-worldly battle for joy and hope and the very souls of our offspring. And it is also a gift, a very good gift designed not only to fulfill a very important role in this world but also to sanctify women for His glory. May we know and pursue even a fraction of the joy here on earth that we will know in heaven when our design and purpose and significance is fully realized and rightly surrendered to the King of Kings.
Author: Kalie Moore, MA, LCMHCA. Clinical Therapist. Co-Founder of Dwell Ministry, PC.
