Celebrating with Purpose: Prioritizing Your Marriage During the Holidays
With the year’s most festive holidays already underway, now is the time to consider how we can make this season what we want it to be - especially for our marriages! Too often we allow ourselves to be swept along in the rush of shopping and cooking and traveling, motivated to stay afloat and go with the flow by cultural norms, demanding family members, and/or self-imposed guilt. You may even be at the point where you dread this time of year because all it means is extra work and added stress – maybe for you, the “most wonderful time of the year” is anything but. But even if the holidays bring you nothing but pure joy, it can be easy in the midst of it all to let what really matters (like our marriages) take a backseat. There are a million excuses for priorities gone awry, but I would like to invite you this holiday season, and in particular this Advent season, to be radically intentional about how you celebrate.
Before we jump into practical ideas for creating deeper connection and meaningful holiday traditions, it’s important to keep in mind some foundational relationship principles. The first is priorities. None of the below ideas will have any effect on your marriage if you do not first decide together to make time for them. The second principle is gratitude. Without a foundation of gratitude for your spouse, natural human selfishness can take over, eventually leaving you in an overwhelming tide of negativity. Happy and fulfilling relationships, and ones that truly reflect the Gospel, require sacrifice and selflessness. Practice saying “thank you” for starters – these simple words can revitalize a relationship — or simply write down what you appreciate about your beloved each day. We have to start somewhere, and capturing our own thoughts is usually a good first step in building a culture of appreciation in our homes and relationships. Finally, slow down. Don’t allow yourself to get swept up in the hustle and bustle. This is a crucial time to be thoughtful and intentional about how you spend your time. Decide as a couple what you will do, where you will go, and how you will celebrate. Find things to do and traditions to start that will represent your family’s unique identity and that make sense in the season you are in right now. Do not let any of it add to the pressure you already feel to do ALL the things. Instead, revel in the invitation to come and rest, to connect, to be present in the moments that matter.
Now – for some ideas to help you get started in creating your own traditions as a couple this holiday season! Feel free to tweak if you need some new ideas for the whole family as well!
Write a love letter and exchange on Christmas day
December 1st boxes – make goodie boxes filled with meaningful treasures and/or date ideas to kick off the Advent season
Bake cookies together
Run a 5K together
Snuggle up for a holiday movie marathon
Make a fire and talk about your goals and dreams for the next year
Cook a simple meal together and make it fun
Keep gifts simple to reduce stress and foster gratitude (one helpful way to do this is to 1. Decide on a budget and 2. Give each family member 4 gifts: something you want, something you need, something to wear, and something to read)
Volunteer together or give back (pick a favorite charity to donate to, volunteer at a local homeless shelter, or participate in Angel Tree or Operation Christmas Child)
Take a walk through Christmas lights
Plan a weekend (or just a night) away for Christmas shopping, reconnection, and alone time
Get dressed up and go out for a fancy meal, or even just drinks or dessert, on the town
Consider reviving an old tradition that your family did in the past
Write a prayer that reflects your family’s blessings in the past year
Make breakfast in bed
Go to a tree lighting
Go ice skating in the city
Go window shopping – bundle up, sip hot cocoa, and hold hands (no pressure to buy anything though – just focus on each other and the holiday atmosphere!)
Plan a Christmas party for close family and friends (make it an annual affair!)
Wrap gifts together
Go to a tasting at a local winery or cidery
Watch cheesy Hallmark Christmas movies (countdown to Christmas!)
Read aloud a favorite kids Christmas book (see our curated book list here!)
Remember – be flexible, be willing to compromise, and expect imperfection!
Real love requires sacrifice and real life requires flexibility. But I believe this is part of what makes the love so beautiful and the life so worthwhile. The more you can embrace the holidays with your spouse and use this special time to connect, the more you will build a sense of “we-ness” that will last you all through the year. Advent is, after all, a time to wait and to wonder, to cherish and to ponder, to anticipate and to revel in the greatest gift the world has ever known. Perhaps, just perhaps, the most meaningful gift you can give to the one your soul loves this Christmas is yourself - your time, your attention, your heart unfettered by the wearisome clamoring of holiday tidings and norms. May you and your spouse experience the same thrill of hope and undeniable bond that Mary and Joseph surely experienced that first Christmas day. And may you be swept up in a tide of hope - not because of yuletide goodwill, but because God had a plan all along for the fullness of time, for our good and His glory. From makeshift cradle to rugged cross to the right hand of God, the power of God’s love can and does still heal, redeem, and restore.
Merry Christmas!
Author: Kalie Moore, MA, LCMHCA. Clinical Therapist. Co-Founder of Dwell Ministry, PC.
