In today’s world, love and lust are often mixed up, making it tough for many of us to tell the difference. This confusion is perpetuated on social media, where physical attraction is often celebrated as the ultimate expression of love. Platforms like Instagram, TikTok, and Netflix promote shallow relationships, focusing on objectification instead of promoting what is committed, respectful, and honest. The Bible gives us a clear picture of the difference between love and lust, offering wisdom on how to build relationships that honor God. In this article, we’ll dive into the difference from a biblical perspective, and I’ll share insights as a mental health therapist to help guide us toward healthy, God-centered relationships.

What Is Biblical Love? The Foundation of True Love in Relationships

Love is the foundation of the Bible. From the beginning in Genesis to the end in Revelation, Scripture speaks of God’s love for humanity and calls believers to show that same love to one another—whether in friendship or in romantic relationships. Biblical love is selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional.

IIn the New Testament, the Greek word agape is used to describe God’s love for us—a love that is not based on fleeting emotions or feelings, but on a deliberate choice to act in the best interests of others. Love is more than just a feeling; it is an action. Throughout Scripture, God demonstrates this kind of love and commands us to love one another in the same way. In John 13:34-35, Jesus says, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” Similarly, Romans 5:8 reveals the depth of Jesus’ love through His sacrifice: “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Rather than allowing us to remain separated from God, Jesus made the ultimate, selfless choice—laying down His life for us on the cross.

The Key Characteristics of Selfless Love in Relationships

In 1 Corinthians 13, often read at weddings, Paul gives a beautiful picture of how the body of Christ should love each other (this includes how we are called in romantic relationship with one another). He writes:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

When we really read this, we see how seriously we must take loving each other, especially in romantic relationships.Romantic relationships are meant to point us to the perfect picture of marriage, Christ union with the Church and how the Gospel plays out in our lives. The testimony of marriage becomes especially important when we keep this concept at the forefront of our mind. Love isn’t about getting what we want; it’s about caring for the other person’s well-being. Love is humble, patient, kind, and a lifelong commitment. It seeks the best for others, even if it costs us something.

In relationships, love involves mutual respect, trust, and a willingness to give without expecting something in return. True biblical love is a covenantal love, like the relationship between Christ and His Church. It’s not based on temporary emotions or physical attraction but is a commitment to honor and value the other person deeply.

Understanding Lust: A Biblical Perspective

Lust, on the other hand, is the opposite of love in many ways. It focuses on self-gratification and often reduces others to objects of desire for personal gain. Lust is driven by physical attraction and the need for instant satisfaction, with no regard for the emotional or spiritual well-being of the other person. In the Bible, lust is often linked with sin. Jesus addresses this in the Sermon on the Mount, saying:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:27-28)

Jesus makes it clear that lustful thoughts are just as sinful as the actual act of adultery or sex outside of marriage. Lust isn’t just an outward action; it’s a heart issue that changes the way we view others. When we lust, we reduce someone to an object for our own satisfaction, ignoring their value as a person made in God’s image. Instead of seeing them for who they truly are, we see them as something to use for selfish desires. Lust is driven by the need for instant gratification, which is the opposite of what true love is. While love seeks to build relationships rooted in respect, trust, and self-sacrifice, lust only seeks personal, selfish satisfaction.

How Lust Affects Your Relationships and Emotional Well-being

Lust can have a real impact on your mental health. It often leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and dissatisfaction. When you focus only on physical attraction and self-gratification, it creates an unhealthy cycle where short-term pleasure is followed by emotional emptiness. Over time, this can lead to anxiety, depression, and a distorted sense of self-worth. Lust also sets unrealistic expectations in relationships because it emphasizes physical attraction over emotional and spiritual connection. This can make you feel unfulfilled, isolated, and disconnected from the true purpose of relationships (which is connection and intimacy), negatively affecting your mental and emotional well-being.

The Impact of Love on Mental Health: How Genuine Love Fosters Well-being

On the other hand, love, when experienced in a healthy and genuine way, has a positive effect on mental health. Strong, supportive relationships promote emotional stability and can reduce stress, anxiety, and depression. Research has shown that love and strong social bonds increase the production of oxytocin (the “bonding hormone”), which helps foster happiness, trust, and emotional well-being. Being in a loving relationship can provide a sense of security and belonging, which are essential for mental health. Love also encourages open communication, mutual support, and helps you cope better with life’s challenges. Studies have shown that people in loving, stable relationships tend to report higher life satisfaction and are less likely to struggle with mental health issues like anxiety or depression. Love nurtures emotional health and can promote resilience and a positive outlook on life.

Key Differences Between Love and Lust: Biblical Insights on Healthy Relationships

Motivation

The fundamental difference between love and lust is motivation. Love is selfless and seeks to serve the person you’re in relationship with, while lust is selfish and focused on personal satisfaction. In love, we care about the other person’s well-being and treat them with dignity and respect. In lust, the focus is solely on satisfying our own desires.

Duration

Love is enduring. It’s a choice to love someone, even in a broken world. It doesn’t rely on fleeting emotions or physical attraction but deepens over time. Lust, on the other hand, is temporary. The initial excitement fades, and it’s driven mostly by physical attraction or desire. It doesn’t offer the same depth or appreciation for the whole person.

Respect vs. Objectification

Biblical love respects the dignity of the other person. It doesn’t objectify or use them for personal gain. Lust, however, objectifies others, viewing them as tools to fulfill selfish desires rather than seeing them as individuals made in God’s image.

Emotional vs. Physical Focus

Love involves emotional connection and spiritual intimacy along with physical attraction. These elements are part of love, but they’re not the only focus. Love builds trust and mutual care. Lust, however, often skips deeper emotional connections and is more focused on immediate physical gratification.

Building God-Centered Relationships: A Call to Love as Christ Loved Us

The Bible draws a clear line between love and lust. Love is selfless, sacrificial, and seeks the best for others. It’s rooted in a relationship with God and reflects His love for us. Lust outside of marriage, however, is typically selfish, fleeting, and often leads to sin. It reduces others to objects of desire and ignores their dignity as children of God.

As believers, we’re called to love others as Christ loved us—with a love that’s pure, patient, kind, and lasting. Lust might feel good in the moment, but it offers nothing of eternal value. Love, on the other hand, is a deep, sweet connection that reflects the heart of God.

If you’re interested in learning more about healthy relationships and how therapy can help, visit our relationships page for more information or to get connected to a therapist. If you’re looking for help navigating your current relationship, please reach out and we would love to point you in a good direction!

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Author: Bayleigh Griffith, MACC, LCMHCA

Further Resources:

Building a Strong Marriage: 5 Ways to Nurture Friendship and Intimacy

Understanding Emotionally Abusive Relationships: A Christian Perspective