Finding Community in the Church: God’s Design for Christian Fellowship
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.
Hebrews 10:23-25
When we think of community, we often think of gathering together, experiencing friendship, and making memories. If we think a little more deeply, we may also think of messy lives, relational conflict, and the transient nature of 21st century society. But how often do we consider what community was designed to look like? The holy trinity (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) was the very first community in the history of the universe. It was divine and perfect and it set the stage for what we all strive and long for in relationship: love, beauty, significance, and belonging.
The world was created out of love flowing outward from the Trinity - this divine love is creative and expansive! As believers, we are ushered in to partake in this eternal and sacred community - to delight in and enjoy fellowship with God and with one another. The early church experienced this and it is referred to as koinonia in the book of Acts (Acts 2:42-47).
Even now, in 21st century American society when it seems the individual reigns and independence is celebrated and a transient lifestyle is commonplace, we were made for koinonia! But how do we find and foster this kind of community? First, let’s define what we’re talking about. True community will have these characteristics:
1. It creates a sense of belonging. (Psalm 68:6; Romans 7:4; Romans 12:5)
Like in the Trinity, the church was designed to be made up of distinct members but united in truth, purpose, and love (1 Corinthians 12:12-27). It was also meant to be a place for people to be known and accepted despite their flaws, to experience being part of something bigger, more significant, more eternal than themselves.
2. It is provisional. (Romans 8:18; Hebrews 11:16)
We strive for holiness because He is holy (1 Peter 1:15-16), but we must also remember that this world is not our home - our citizenship is in heaven (Philippians 3:20). So while we pursue intentional community now, we know that it will not be perfect because we live in a broken world. We experience provisional Christian fellowship while we await its fullness and perfection at Christ’s return.
3. It is both a gift and a practice. (John 14:16; Colossians 3:13-14; Hebrews 10:24-25)
We cannot have true Christian community without the Holy Spirit (Jesus’ gift of love to the church), but we also have a responsibility to nurture and be good stewards of this precious gift. The relationships we form in this kind of community are one means through which God cares for us and through which we are sanctified. And through the Holy Spirit’s work in both the individuals and in the community as a whole, we as believers can participate in Christ’s life and ministry (as the bride of Christ) and at the same time be a sign of grace and beacon of hope to the world.
4. It is focused on commonality (Acts 2:44; John 17:23)
The early church worshiped together, listened to preaching and scripture reading together, prayed together, ate together. They shared joys and hardships and everything in between! This is our model for true community as we seek to reflect the oneness of our triune God.
Now let’s get practical. Churches (and leadership in particular) have their own responsibilities for fostering intimate community, and it is crucial that they follow through. But for now, let’s focus on what you, as an individual member of a church body, can do to pursue true Christian fellowship. And remember as you read through this list that community itself is not the goal - Christ is. The last thing we want to do is set others up as false gods whom we expect to meet our needs for love and joy and acceptance, because community in that sense will inevitably fail us. On the contrary, when Christ is our focus, we free others up to be our friends without pressure to be our gods.
1. Pray.
God wants us to experience relationships with others - He is after all a relational being! So pray for opportunities, for friends, and for courage to pursue them.
2. Practice self-reflection.
Ask yourself these questions to help you assess what your part is in pursuing godly community. Am I making myself available? Do I make gathering with fellow believers regularly a priority? Am I willing to be authentic and vulnerable?
3. Volunteer to serve.
Don’t agonize over how you should best use your gifts if you’re not sure where you fit. Meet a need, any need. And introduce yourself to others meeting that same need - instant community.
4. Find the small group that meets closest to your home.
It can be hard to sustain relationships with people who live far away from you, even if you think that’s the small group you’d like to attend. Find community close to you and you’ll be more likely to invest, to attend regularly, and to be authentic. Convenience isn’t everything, but in many cases when it comes to building community, it's best to make it easier on yourself, not harder.
5. Make it a priority.
It has to be important or we will not be willing to work hard or sacrifice other things for it. And authentic relationships, in the context of true community, take work. And time and energy and motivation. It’s easy to get caught in the cycle of loneliness and self-pity when community does not seem readily available. And when that happens, it’s even easier to let it slide to the back burner. We are lonely because we have no community, but we don’t make relationships a priority, so we don’t build community.
We must do our part to pursue and find the community we long for. Don’t let your loneliness lead to apathy, but instead let it drive you to humbly pursue meaningful relationships. It’s hard to admit when we’re lonely, but in doing so we just might find the deeply significant relationships we were designed to experience. Koinonia may be just a shadow of the divine, trinitarian fellowship we will enjoy when Jesus returns, but it is a shadow well worth fighting for this side of heaven.
Author: Kalie Moore, MA, LCMHCA. Clinical Therapist. Co-Founder of Dwell Ministry, PC.
Series: Loneliness + Church Community
Sources and Further Reading:
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/you-dont-find-community-by-looking-for-it/
https://influencemagazine.com/Practice/Five-Ways-to-Build-Community-in-Your-Church)
https://www.fuller.edu/next-faithful-step/classes/cf565/church-as-community/
