The Loneliness Cure
I have this memory of a conversation with my husband, somewhere around October of last year. We were discussing the state of the world (his favorite subject) and its impact on relationships (my favorite subject). This discussion took us from the grand view of the differences in the world post/during/pre/who knows these days-Covid down to the world around us. Our community had changed. We realized that the people around us were different, church attendance was different, even the way we paid for our restaurant bill had changed. And at times, we look around and wonder, “Are we different?”
This seems to be a resounding consensus among many Americans as we reemerge into society, embracing friends unseen in months and sitting side by side in the church pew. But the damage of the last two years—two years of isolation and fear—seems to have lingering effects in the mental health of Americans.
Mental Health America is a non-profit organization designed to address mental health needs and increase access to care for all who struggle with mental health. As part of their advocacy, they collect research data and compile it into a State of Mental Health address. Though this address is titled 2022, the majority of its data is from 2019, pre-pandemic. So lets take a look at its findings:
o Approximately 50 million Americans experienced mental illness in 2019. 24.7% of these individuals did not receive mental health care.
o 4.58% of adults report having serious suicidal thoughts, a rate that has increased every year since 2011.
o 15.08% of youth experienced a major depressive episode in 2019 with the highest rating existing in youth with more than one race. Over 60% of these youth did not receive mental health services.
One can only imagine what the past two years has done to increase these numbers. Then lets couple this data with several pieces in the NY Times in late 2021 into 2022 about the ongoing shortage of mental health professionals. There is a higher need than ever with inadequate resources to meet these needs. Given the state of our nation and access to mental health, we need another path to support those we love as they struggle.
So where does this leave us with this overarching feeling of loneliness? Though loneliness in and of itself is not a diagnosable condition, it often looks and feel like depression, anxiety, fear, panic, and social withdrawal. Loneliness can also take hold in those who appear connected, well liked, and engaging. Loneliness does not always equal mental health illness, though many times those who are struggling with their mental health feel lonely. But what is our cure for loneliness? Merriam Webster lists these words as the antonym: camaraderie, companionship, fellowship, company. Here at Dwell, we like to call that community.
Scripture is stacked with examples of community. Families living in community, the early church worshipping in community, Jesus stating that He is present where community is gathered…I could go on. God designed His bride as the church body to instruct us how to live in such a way to be in relationship with Him. He placed us in communities so that we can be His city on a hill and light in the dark. He chose the people around you so that you can bear their burdens, and they yours. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that He knows the path of our life. None of this, not even your loneliness, your sin, or your joy, is a surprise to Him. So take a moment today, and seek out the community around you. Here are a couple of suggestions to give a try:
1. Join a small group! (Or if you aren’t a part of a church—start there!)
2. Invite someone you don’t know well to coffee. They might just surprise you.
3. Begin praying for a rich community. Prayer is powerful and we are told to ask for our hearts desires. God desires to be in relationship with you, so He wants to hear from you.
4. Serve in your church body. Nothing makes you feel more connected to others than when you serve them.
5. Share your story (the real version) with someone you feel comfortable with. Vulnerability begets vulnerability. Intimate, connected relationships begin when we are real with others. If we feel known and understood, we are less likely to feel alone.
I want to leave you with this quote from Christine Hoover from her fantastic book, With All Your Heart: Living joyfully through allegiance to King Jesus: “It matters because we’re citizens of an unseen country and players in a larger story; we’re not defined or confined by what is happening to us today” (p. 35). When you are feeling down, lonely, or disconnected, remember whose you are. You are a chosen, loved child of God. You are not defined by how you feel today. You are not defined by your mental health or your loneliness. You are defined by your identity in Jesus Christ. And He is with you always, to the end of the age.
Author: Lauren Bowman, MA, LCMHC, LMFTA. Marriage and Family Therapist. Co-Founder & President of Dwell Ministry, PC.
Series: Loneliness + Church Community
