Breaking the Silence: A Christian Man's Guide to Overcoming the Mental Health Stigma

The Hidden Crisis of Men's Mental Health

It’s no secret that men are silently struggling–we’re just not talking about it. But the statistics don’t lie: according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, men die by suicide 3.63 times more often than women. The CDC reports that while men make up 50% of the population, they make up nearly 80% of suicides. Further, men are less likely to seek treatment, and more likely to instead self-medicate with substances to alleviate symptoms of mental illness. Depression in men is often underdiagnosed, even though it affects over 6 million men per year, and the number of men actually getting treatment for mental health struggles is consistently and significantly lower than the number of women seeking and receiving treatment.  What we do with this information matters; in fact, it’s life or death.

The Unique Challenges Christian Men Face

If men in general experience a significant stigma when it comes to getting the mental health care they need, then Christian men face an even more difficult challenge. They not only have the same cultural expectations of masculine strength and confidence, but they also must somehow reconcile their faith with their mental health struggles. How can they be the spiritual leader of their families if they are depressed or anxious or struggling with addiction? Further, how could they possibly share that with anyone else who is likely to judge them for their lack of faith and qualifications for a good husband and father. If a man is a pastor or ministry leader, the pressure intensifies. He not only must exude strength and confidence, lead and provide for his family practically and spiritually, but he must also lead and shepherd his church. What isolation and loneliness these men feel when the pressure is mounting, their mental health is worsening, their strength is waning, and yet they cannot breathe a word of it for fear they will be seen as weak or hypocritical or incompetent or unfit to be in their position of spiritual leadership. 

If this is indeed the reality our men face, it is no wonder that they receive treatment for their mental health suffering much less often than do women. They do what they believe they must, and in so doing continue to suffer alone. So, how do we bolster these rocks of family, church and community? How do we affirm their strength not in their ability to survive without help, but rather in their willingness to accept help in their time of need? It starts with changing the narrative of how we view mental health in the church and, in particular, among men. 

Think about your own church community and consider how mental illness is discussed and/or addressed. Is it a social/spiritual faux pas to bring up your depression or to talk about the medication you take for your anxiety? Do you cringe when someone shares about a miscarriage and the response you hear is, “Everything happens for a reason”? Do you hear about mental health struggles from the pulpit? Is it talked about as a result of a fallen world, like cancer or diabetes or divorce? Or is it set to the side as a discipleship issue that we wouldn’t be dealing with if we only had more faith or a more seasoned mentor or if we spent more time investing in our spiritual growth? These are the things that must begin to give way if we are to have a fighting chance at eliminating the mental health stigma for anyone, let alone the men who already feel the pressure dialed up. If, for example, we can begin to shift how we view something like anxiety, from a lack of faith to what John Piper describes as “an attack on your faith” or if we can replace an assumption that medication is a crutch with a a gracious recognition that medication is a God-given tool meant to be wisely used –then we can begin the uphill climb of choosing a new narrative for men as they bravely pursue healthy minds, souls, bodies, and relationships, seeking as much help as they need along the way.

Practical Steps for Mental Health (and physical, spiritual, and relational)

1. Make time to invest in authentic relationships 

This could be joining a men’s small group, asking someone to be your mentor, making time to meet with your pastor on a more regular basis, or scheduling accountability check-ins with a trusted friend or 2 (no more than 3). Everyone is different in need and capacity. Part of asking for help is knowing yourself, and then inviting others in to know you.

2. Avoid compartmentalizing your health and wellbeing. 

It doesn’t have to be an either/or thing. Men are in general really good at compartmentalizing, and this is in many ways a strength. But it can lend itself to black-and-white thinking too–when we live in extremes or only allow ourselves in one box at a time: growing spiritually or getting help for our “crazy.” What if, instead, we combined a few things? Blended a few concepts? Merged some important areas of life that really do overlap? Maybe this could look like memorizing scripture and asking a friend to do it with you – spiritual growth + accountability + deeper relationships. Or maybe you meet with your pastor more regularly and he recommends seeing a therapist at the same time to address some past trauma or a relevant diagnosis – spiritual maturity + emotional healing.  More often than not, life and change and growth is a both/and thing.

3. Create and maintain healthy rhythms 

We are all creatures of habit; there’s safety in it because it’s how we were designed. So capitalize on this by cultivating rhythms that work for you and your family. Consider your priorities and how these are (or aren’t) reflected in your life currently. Keep in mind your physical, emotional, spiritual, and relational health as you set boundaries, decide on commitments, and create sustainable rhythms.

4. Seek professional help 

Therapy is not for everyone, and we don’t insist that everyone needs to see a therapist. However this is part of removing the stigma – if we don’t go to therapy because we’re hiding behind the belief that “not everyone needs a therapist,” then we’ve missed something. It is most certainly for some people, and what a gift it can be when it is the right tool at the right time. A licensed Christian therapist can be an invaluable tool, and one that God can use to heal your unseen wounds just as he can use medication to manage anxiety, chemo to fight cancer, or a splint to heal a broken bone. It’s part of understanding that seeking help is wisdom, not weakness. 

If you’re considering trying to find a Christian therapist, we’d love to help. We have a qualified team of licensed professionals who love to incorporate faith as much or as little as you’d like. Click here to book a free intro call now. And if you have more questions about what therapy specifically for men can look like, check out our men’s therapy services page to learn more.

Hope and Healing Are Possible

Remember: mental health challenges don’t equal spiritual failure. Just as we wouldn't shame someone for seeking treatment for diabetes or heart disease, there's no shame in addressing mental health needs. God can use anything He pleases to meet you where you are and answer your prayers–including counseling, support groups, and medication. You're not alone in this journey, so we urge you not to believe the lie that you are. Your mental health matters and a life full of joy and purpose is more than possible. Maybe today is the day to take a step in that direction. 

Author: Kalie Moore, MA, LCMHC. Clinical Therapist. Co-Founder of Dwell Ministry, PC.

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