How to Support Those Struggling with Mental Health in the Church
What do you do when you start noticing subtle changes in a friend from church? When she stops responding to texts? When the new couple in your community group slowly stops coming (but all of their excuses seem so reasonable!)? When you know he is going through a difficult time, but doesn't seem to want your help?
Mental health struggles can be uncomfortable to talk about. How do you know what to say, what they need, how to help? You may feel like this is all way outside of your comfort zone - and isn’t this a job for a licensed therapist anyway? While a licensed therapist may be a great course of action for your friend, you still play an invaluable role! Lets be honest, mental health has been taboo in church settings for far too long. We have lived in fear of being told we don’t love Jesus enough, or don’t study the Bible enough, or perhaps are not true believers if we struggle with mental health. The reality is, Scripture is filled with examples of respected individuals struggling with their mental health. We know that God is our Great Comfort and Counselor. We firmly put our faith in that. We accept His good gift of community and psychology to give us the confidence to be salt and light to those around us. Because of this, an increased awareness of mental health struggles, knowledge of how you can help, and trusted resources can give you the confidence you need to be an essential support person. The first step? Be curious. Ask questions.
Of course, just because your friend isn’t responding to your texts does not automatically mean they are struggling with a mental health issue. But the reality is, at least 20% of adults in the U.S. will struggle with some kind of mental illness in a given year; 50% will at some point in their lives. That’s a lot of people, and those are conservative statistics. So, while it may not always be a diagnosable issue that your friends are dealing with, chances are that at some point it WILL be. The more aware you are to notice changes and the more prepared you are to address it, the more confidence you will feel when supporting your loved ones in their most critical time.
How do we do we get prepared?
1: When in doubt, ask good questions. Here are some examples to get you started:
I’ve missed you at small group the last few weeks. How are you doing?
I know things have been difficult with_(fill in the blank)_. Anything you want to talk about?
I’ve noticed you seem quieter recently, do you want to talk?
Just wanted to check in - how can I be praying for you?
2: The next step is to just listen. {Note - we did not say to problem solve or offer advice. We want to traverse with them instead of for them.} Your job at this point is just to listen well. The best gift you can offer a struggling friend is yourself - your time, your empathy, your presence. And if they are hesitant to share or don’t want to burden you with their problems, you can remind them of Galatians 6:2 - we are commanded to bear one another’s burdens! It’s part of who we are as members of the body of Christ, and one of the best ways we can serve one another is by sharing emotional burdens. Of course we need to meet practical needs as well, but if we only strive to meet those needs and neglect the emotional state of our brothers and sisters, we are ignoring a huge part of who they are, how they are suffering, and what they need!
3: Finally, be prepared to jump into action. Again - not necessarily in a practical way. It will be important to go back to step 2 and listen for what your friend is actually needing right now. Do they need someone to talk to? Do they need accountability? Do they need someone to check in with them on a regular basis? Do they need someone to walk them through finding a licensed therapist or doctor or support group? Whatever it is, you can reassure them that you care and that they are not alone. Those words alone are often enough to bring relief to a despairing soul.
In the end, you play a vital role in your friends’ lives. God gave us the gift of community so we do not have to walk through trials alone. Whether they are in need of professional counseling or not, YOU (i.e. a trusted support system) are one of the most protective factors when it comes to their mental health. It is not on you to solve their problems or ensure they get the help they need, but it is part of your Christian calling to be aware of the signs that someone may be in distress, to stay curious, and to serve within your capacity.
For more support and information as you seek to better serve those in your church body, check out the following resources as well as our website (www.dwellministry.org ) and instagram: @dwellministrync.
Mental Health: A Guide for Faith Leaders - https://www.psychiatry.org/File%20Library/Psychiatrists/Cultural-Competency/faith-mentalhealth-guide.pdf
Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: It's Impossible to Be Spiritually Mature, While Remaining Emotionally Immature (Peter Scazerro) - https://www.amazon.com/Emotionally-Healthy-Spirituality-Impossible-Spiritually/dp/0310348498
Mental Illness in the Church - https://influencemagazine.com/en/Practice/Mental-Illness-in-the-Church
https://churchcares.com/
